We know we should use condoms to protect us from pregnancy and STD’s. So why don’t we?
This is Ella’s story.
We all know we are supposed to use condoms.
It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter,
You can’t go wrong, if you shield your dong.’
‘No glove, no love.’
And the sayings go on!
Condoms are the safest form of birth control that protects against STD’s. Not 100% but the best we can do.
Okay so we know the facts, we shouldn’t need any convincing.
So why aren’t teenagers using them? And not just teenagers, consenting adults?
This is Ella’s story.
La Traviata played grandly from the record player, candles flickered seductively, the rain had finally stopped and there was a stillness in the air.
He sat next to me on the bed, I could smell the whiskey on his breath and the heat of his body next to mine. I felt weak with excitement.
I was a virgin and being my first I was nervous; I let him take the lead. He was a good ten years older than me, and definitely no stranger to bringing young lasses up to his bedsit to view his ‘etchings’.
I was oh so thrilled to finally be with this hunk of a man that I had been lusting after for months. I was so infatuated with this ‘famous’ opera singer.
His full lips enveloped mine, his strong tongue darting in and out my mouth. The feeling of his big hands on my breast… it was all heart stopping. I could feel is hard cock pressed against my thigh, I put my hand on him, he was huge. He slid his hand inside my jeans, it was rough and demanding. He could feel how much I wanted him, he briefly rubbed my clitoris, he knew I was ready for him.
Things moved quickly from A to B, his undressing technique had certainly been perfected; foreplay came to an hasty end.
He undressed himself revealing an enormous handsome cock.
I felt a swelling and a throbbing between my legs, I wanted him inside me; to feel the weight of his body on me, I was wet with desire and wanted to know what an orgasm felt like with his hard cock thrusting in me. I was about to have my first real sexual experience; nothing was going to ruin it for me.
And this was the moment to say stop, let’s use a condom, I have in my bag. The moment to say I’m not on any birth control we need to be careful. The moment for him to be responsible and reach for one in his side drawer. But this moment never happened.
Why didn’t I say stop? Why didn’t I take a moment to think?
Because I couldn’t. I couldn’t think for my desire and I was way too scared. Too scared I’d ruin this sublime experience, too scared that all would come grinding to a halt.
I wanted to have sex with him more than anything, and in this moment I really didn’t care about STD’s or pregnancy. I didn’t want to start whining about condoms and safe sex. That’s what children do; I was part of this adult experience and besides, if he was okay with it, then so was I.
I wanted so much to please him and appear confident and cool and hip.
And anyway…what could possibly go wrong!
His eyes locked with mine. I know it’s a cliché, but my heart literally skipped a beat. His weight on me felt powerful and as he slid his cock inside me a truly gasped with pleasure through the pain of being my first.
And he thrust deep and hard, it felt sensational. His lips smothered my cries. I felt his breathing in sync with mine and he moved faster, holding my hips, breathing harder, moving still faster and then we came.
And I lay in his arms, La Traviata still playing, as he sang the tenor line like sweet nothings in my ear.
Our chests rising and falling together.
Time passed in delicate silence.
Then he pulled me on top of him, his cock hard once more and I rode him as he guided us to orgasm again.
I drove home elated, with the soundtrack of opera in my head and nary a thought of an STD or pregnancy.
I declared sex the best thing to have happened to me.
I will fast forward to a few weeks later when I discovered that I was pregnant. Twenty years old, at university, this was not the plan.
I considered myself to be a rational, sensible person but all sense of reason left me as panic descended. My solution to the problem was to take 4 packets of the pill, yes all of them, in one go, and hope I miscarried. I did, it was stupid and dangerous.
I share this story because I know there are young women and men out there going through exactly what Ella did, all those years ago. And in 2020, these people are not 20, they are 13, 14 and 15 years old. So what is the solution?
Education around condoms needs to focus on more than STD’s and pregnancy. Of course this information is vital, but only a first step, we shouldn’t stop here.
Self-respect plays a huge part in it all. It takes guts and dignity to demand that a condom is used.
Why not just say no and that be that – would that it were so simple. And for some it is that simple. But for many more, it isn’t.
Discussing it up front before anything starts is the obvious plan. This assumes a level of self-confidence but it won’t necessarily follow during the act.
Not every sexual encounter we have is going to be with the person of our future. Sometimes it’s just about the fun and experimentation. To say to a young person, if you are not ready for a child then you are not ready for sex, is short-sighted. Sex and the desire to experiment sexually, is part of life. People have had sex from the beginning of time, and nothing is going to change that. So to tell teenagers, don’t have sex, is not the solution. And to educate teenagers to have safe sex, use a condom, is only part of the solution.
The sexual act takes maturity and a cognitive understanding of all the implications involved.
Anyone can have sex, but not everyone has the maturity to have sex.
If we inform our youth, from the get go, that they need to value themselves, know themselves and respect themselves; when that moment comes they will perhaps be a little better equipped.
Don’t wait until the blood has gone to your loins and the ability to think clearly has left you.
Sexual prowess and the push and pull around the power of sex can be an influencer. Who has the power, who gives the power, who needs the power to feel okay. But the power comes when you demand it. Assert your own value and power; don’t diminish your self worth at the expense of some fun. And yes, it is fun; whackloads of it, there is no denying that.
Know your value, and demand respect.
These thoughts should be planted in the minds of our youth, it could make all the difference.
But don’t wait until you are naked and overwhelmed with desire…then it is too late! It was for Ella.